Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
