how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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