We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
