That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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