he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
