Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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