she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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