This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
