you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
