you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
