I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
