I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
