Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
