I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
