I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Holy shit dude........stairs
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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