I hate all girls vehemently.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
