im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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