Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
