chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
