omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
