new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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