i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
