Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
