okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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