where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
