i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
