There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
