I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
