i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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