Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
