So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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