Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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