So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't deserve a penis
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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