dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
