dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I touched a dick in church today
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
