for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
then he tried to convert me to islam
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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