tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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