I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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