I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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