She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
