Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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