He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
