I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
