I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
