i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
