you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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