Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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