she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
