Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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