I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
