Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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