I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
