look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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