Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
